Psychochild's Blog

A developer's musings on game development and writing.

1 November, 2009

Happy Birthday to me
Filed under: — Psychochild @ 3:24 AM

I turn 36 today. I can no longer pretend that I’m going to be eternally young, I feel middle age sneaking into my room and sitting in the corner.

Or, as someone much younger (23) commented to me in IM, “You’re going to die soon!”

If you’re feeling overly generous, my Amazon wish list linked on the right side. Or, here’s a link for you people reading via RSS. (Ha! No excuse now!)

A few other thoughts after the jump.

I was already feeling old before my time when Morpheus passed away a few months ago. The kitten I got in college grew old and is no longer with me. Again, not easy to pretend I’m going to be young forever.

Sometimes I worry that my career is passing me by. Sometimes I feel like I’m perceived as being like Chris Crawford (tilting at windmills on a strange crusade, except without having created a beloved landmark game or written a landmark design book). The industry is a dreadfully depressing place sometimes, and the projects in the last few years I have been excited about have ended unhappily with very little to show for them. Earlier this year, a fellow MMO designer told me that I need to find a successful project to work on; perhaps he’s right.

I’m not giving up quite yet, though. I’ve got a few ideas to try before I start looking for refuge in a steady paycheck. Hopefully I won’t be completely unemployable by that time. ;)


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20 Comments »

  1. Grats on level 36!

    Still a long way to grind before you get to your bus pass travel power, so I shouldn’t worry about it too much.

    You’re still a long way from the end game, and there’s no rush to get there.

    Have a great day.

    Comment by Melmoth — 1 November, 2009 @ 3:47 AM

  2. Happy Birthday!

    And pffft, come back and see me when you’re 40. That’s when I really freaked out. And NO, it wasn’t that long ago. ;)

    (Course in the MMO world, 23 is ancient…)

    Comment by Ysharros — 1 November, 2009 @ 4:18 AM

  3. Happy Birthday! I am 32, I heard Jesus died at 33. Now you are 36, this gives me hope! :)

    Comment by Longasc — 1 November, 2009 @ 4:21 AM

  4. Happy birthday! I’m 32, but as the eldest of 6 the younger ones in my family have been calling me “old man” for a few years now. :P That can get to you. :P But hey…. we’re all still young at heart – this is a video game blog after all. ;)

    Comment by Andrew — 1 November, 2009 @ 4:58 AM

  5. Heh. Whippersnappers!

    Wait til you hit 50, like I did last year. Getting harder even to pretend I’m middle-aged.

    Have a great birthday.

    Comment by bhagpuss — 1 November, 2009 @ 5:21 AM

  6. At least you aren’t older than the Internet. Happy birthday!

    Comment by Tobold — 1 November, 2009 @ 6:20 AM

  7. Happy birthday!

    Here’s a trick, find someone older than you to make fun of from time to time. Bonus points if that person don’t mind it too much :)

    Comment by Dave Toulouse — 1 November, 2009 @ 7:06 AM

  8. Happy Birthday! You are still a young pup in my world.

    Comment by Ethic — 1 November, 2009 @ 7:21 AM

  9. Happy birthday! Don’t let things like age and career get you down. I worry about that stuff too and wonder what the point of all it is. The only thing you can do is keep trudging on and moving forward, never looking back and never giving up.

    Comment by We Fly Spitfires — 1 November, 2009 @ 7:37 AM

  10. Happy barfday Brian! I’m sending you a truckload of voluptuous women.

    Comment by Julian — 1 November, 2009 @ 12:56 PM

  11. Happy Birthday! Eat cake :)

    Comment by Spinks — 1 November, 2009 @ 1:27 PM

  12. Happy Birthday!

    Comment by Stabs — 1 November, 2009 @ 2:41 PM

  13. “Ding!” Grats!

    That content at the bottom when these posts go out on RSS, so there is a link back when your content gets stolen and re-posted? This post makes me think vaguely fondly of that. Today, their unthinking bots steal and re-post your Amazon wish list. Spam bots send you candy!

    Comment by Zubon — 1 November, 2009 @ 4:37 PM

  14. Gratz. Pleased to celebrate with you by banging out some epic quests in the North Downs. Cheers! – Delldo

    Comment by Justin — 1 November, 2009 @ 9:25 PM

  15. Happy Birthday Brian!

    I recently had my college pet die as well, but fortunately I hadn’t thought about what that said about my own age.

    Thanks a lot!

    Comment by Muckbeast — 2 November, 2009 @ 2:25 AM

  16. Congrats on surviving another annum more or less intact. ;)

    When I was 36, it was a very good year…

    Chin up! You still have plenty of time to find new opportunities. Don’t focus on what you haven’t done, but rather on what you will do next.

    Comment by foolsage — 2 November, 2009 @ 10:26 AM

  17. Happy Birthday! It’s a good month to have a birthday.

    (15th of November for me. I love this time of year.)

    Comment by Tesh — 2 November, 2009 @ 11:33 AM

  18. Thanks, all. I appreciate the warm wishes.

    I’m not quite ready to go become a spreadsheet programmer, I guess I’m just thinking of what my place in the industry is. It may be admirable to be an iconoclast, but the pay scale sucks it seems. Not that others are doing wondrously in this economic climate.

    Muckbeast wrote:
    I recently had my college pet die as well, but fortunately I hadn’t thought about what that said about my own age.

    Thanks a lot!

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I still miss my kitty. But, they say pain is more fun when shared. ;)

    Justin wrote:
    Pleased to celebrate with you by banging out some epic quests in the North Downs. Cheers! – Delldo

    After a nice Sunday brunch with my GF and good friend, that’s what I did for fun: went and played my LotRO character that shares my pseudonym for a bit, then lead the “turtle” raid for my kinship. Good time was had by all, I guess. :)

    Comment by Psychochild — 2 November, 2009 @ 9:12 PM

  19. Happy birthday! I’m only 30 and I’m positive I spent the majority of my game dev career building years in the wrong country (Hungary). I still feel young though. So I have 6 years before I really start freaking out? :)

    Comment by Jaybot7 — 3 November, 2009 @ 1:56 PM

  20. Happy belated birthday to you!
    You’ve been awfully busy lately on the blog! I’m still playing catch up from my vacation.

    Comment by Ferrel — 6 November, 2009 @ 7:17 AM

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